September...
i love September...
There is something about the fall that captures my imagination and fills my soul with the feeling of possibility....
i once wrote an article for a newspaper (Mars Hill) that expressed exactly that:
"The air is crisp and the smells are sweet. The magical colors of the trees flood my vision, and the leaves pleasantly crunch beneath my feet as I walk with newly found purpose in my new 'back-to-school' boots. The memories of my childhood are pungent and clear as I pull on a sweater and walk out into a sunny brisk day. The Autumn winds sweep in the feeling of change just as it chases the summer warmth away. However it is the feeling of hope and newness flitting through the air that in particular captures my fancy about the Autumn.
I once read that Autumn is like new years only there aren’t the turkey leftovers and the hangover to contend with the day after you make your resolutions. Unlike New Years, Autumn really is the beginning of something new, it is marked by the beginning of a season, often a transition in jobs or the start of school, the end of summer romances, and at the very least the changing of your skin from a golden color to its normal pale self. With the beginning of this newness then, we have the actual chance to choose to be new as well. Everything from the weather to the scenery is demanding a change so why not make one?
Everywhere I look in the Autumn I see change; a physical manifestation reminding me of the inward possibility for beautiful change in my own life, and I am haunted by the words of Mahatma Ghandi “We must become the change we want to see”.
... while much has changed since i wrote those words, once again it is autumn, and although I am not starting back to school (an adjustment i still cannot quite get my head around), I am facing a new season in my life, and once again i feel the autumn around me demanding change...
So here i am once again.....
(once again meaning:
Living back home.
Jobless.
Single.)
... but rather than letting this somewhat daunting trio of events get to me I have decided to use the time that i have in front of me while i have it to start changing myself, so that when the next season of my life finally arrives I will more ready to make the change i want to see in the world around me....
Logically the first step in the process of change is self-examination....(a dangerous past time but also i have come to see as necessary in the process of my life)....
... and as i open the book of my life and read the pages that have been written so far, recounting not only this last year but the years preceding it I have noticed several things.
First I see that living in Africa really has changed me. I didn't think it had, and yet quietly there has been a shift in my values, and with that shift in values a shift in perception... i began to notice as i read this story of my life so far (a story i have re-read and examined often), that like a film maker watching his lifelong favourite movie for the first time after going through the film school the book was read by different eyes. It was the same story, but for the first time I saw subtext and themes where i saw nothing before....
and what i have come up with i didn't like very much... it was ugly.
I have realized that i have spent my life impressed by all the wrong things. I saw that in my ambition for the kingdom that my life has been hijacked by selfish ambition and vain conceit. That the cult of ME has defined so much of my life so far...
I have realized that i was impressed by money, power, success, ambition... good looks, prestige, fun, popularity. Religion. I chased these things in my own life, and expected them from those i chose to surround myself with.
Something I would have never admitted.... But whether i would say it or not so much of my life has been defined by these things, as have so many of my choices.
What i should have been chasing are humility, compassion, love for the other, kindness, patience, love for the other, and grace. Jesus.
i dated and befriended people like me. People that valued the wrong things. I chased the wrong people.
i have been fortunate enough to have dated people and befriended people who were not like me, and who chased the right things.... . The people who naturally valued the things God loves....
and i have hurt so many of them, by trying to make them subscribe to what i believed in, not the words of my mouth mind you, but how my life was lived... i have done permananent damage to some of the most beautiful people i know by forcing them to subscribe to the cult of ME, and what i valued....
... now when one self examines these arent exactly the things one is hoping to come up with, however this is what i have found....
and i am so ashamed, and i am so broken to know i have caused the people around me and God so much pain. My heart is bleeding knowing i wasted so much of my life on these empty pursuits and hurting those around me.... and once again i am in awe of the fact that God can give grace to someone like me.... someone who cannot ever live up to it, and yet is given it again...
... and i want to take it all back... but i cant... and all of these things have brought me to where i am now. But there is one man in particular i have damaged along the way.... and i only wish i could make amends....
I am acutely aware that while for so long I talked the talk about wanting to see beautiful change in this world I did not walking the walk. I was not part of any beautiful change.
My 'religiousness' caused others so much pain....
... so my self examination so far has been a painful one as this is just the tip of the iceberg... but i also find hope because i am finally in the place in my life where i can see the things i have done.. and so i hope this last year has marked a permanent change in my life.... i pray that as i have talk the talk that somehow i have begun to walk the walk.... i pray that as this new season opens that i can continue to follow up my talk with a changed walk.....
More than anything I desire to change the world, but the truth I have come to realize this fall is if I can’t even change the little things in my own life in order to become a more beautiful person and impact the people I interact with daily, then how can I change the world to become a more beautiful place? Thus in this fall where i am living at home, jobless, broke, and single, I have finally made a decision: that i spend this autumn continuing to build on the foundation of becoming the person I was made to be. I have made the decision to change, to set specific goals and specific measures for myself, and to become the person I have always wanted to be. Broadly I want to be better, I want to listen more, be more joyful, be less lazy, change my attitude towards God and others, judge less, be kinder, and have a softer heart to those hurting. I want to offer more grace, be compassionate, be kind, love people creatively, and reach higher and further than i have ever gone before. I want to tell people about how real Jesus is and how he likes them and that if he can love a wretch like me than he will definetly love them. i want to help the sick, the broken, the orphans, the widows, the poor... I want to love those I encounter the way Jesus would have loved them. I want to love myself better and be the person he created me to be and i want to use this last year of living in Africa as the foundation to keep building off of rather than just an experience i once had....
So finally i just want to end by saying that all of us want to make changes in our life. I believe that every one of you has the potential be even greater then who you already are; to be more, to do more, to give more… If you feel that any of those things are true, then why not make this the Autumn where you decide to become the person you were made to be, that you decide that your daily encounters with others are going to be the pattern you set for how you begin to change the world.
It’s Autumn and all around you everything is changing and there is hope, and there is newness, and if nothing else there is the knowledge that at least one other person out there is trying to make a change, and is cheering for you to succeed in making the changes you have always wanted to make too. So why not do it now, when everything around you is calling for a change...
....be the change you want to see, starting from the inside out.
Swazi update #7
Dear Friends and Family,
I cannot believe it's June already, time is positively flying by. The last month has been full of new projects and has been at times a little hectic, but it has also been packed full of blessings.
WORK
At work my role has expanded substantially, I am no longer simply working for the orphan care side of Bulembu, I am also doing work in community enterprise (which is what provides the funding for the orphan care) on top of my old work. This means that I am becoming the Queen of soft skills. Some days I am busy doing admin - creating lists, putting together contracts, contacting donors. Other days I am a book keeper - looking after petty cash and helping sort of some of the finances for orphan care, I am occasionally the communications person - putting together donor reports for children, updating Bulembu's twitter and facebook pages, lately I have been the researcher - helping put together grant proposals for hydroponics, solar power, sports centers, and most recently I have been putting my business hat to help put together new business plans and business revival plans, also doing a bit of HR involved in meetings with the future of the school, and writing up policy manuals. Most days I feel like I haven't a clue what I am doing, however with a can-do attitude and a prayer I approach every day, and somehow everything is getting accomplished and I'm also learning a lot in the process. It is really neat to be involved in so many different projects and to know that in the end they are all related to help give the orphans of Bulembu the best kind of care possible. Thanks so much for your support, there is so much work to be done, and me being able to do this job is only possible through you guys!!!!
Day-to-Day Life
The last month has also been really crazy in terms of how transient it has been. This week I said goodbye to my best friend in Bulembu, and another good friend as they head off in new directions, and over the following month I will say goodbye to many other friends as they leave. I will be the last of the short-term volunteers left in Bulembu which is very strange. I have been so blessed in my time in Bulembu as I have made amazing life long friends. What is strange though is that when I leave Bulembu I can never return to this season as the people I shared it with have gone on as well. Having time alone though is also a blessing as it gives me more time to seek God which is something I really need right now. However, it has also gotten incredibly cold and incredibly dark in Bulembu so it is often hard to find motivation to do anything other than sleep after work!
Reflections
All of this leaving by friend has of course made me think about what my time here a lot as I too will be getting ready to come home in August (I can't believe how quickly it is flying by!). I have thought a lot about the changes I see in my life, and about the person I am becoming, and the things that have happened over the last 7+ months. It has made me think a lot about why I am here and what Bulembu is doing...and the more think about it the more I am convinced that I wish all of you could be here to see the work happening in Bulembu as there is no way for me to possibly convey how beautiful the ministry is through emails alone. It is a practical ministry but it radiates with the love of Christ. I am so honored and blessed to be here, and I truly wish there was some way to show you how incredible it is. I love it here, and there are days even after all this time when I wake up full of overwhelming joy because I truly cannot believe I have been so blessed as to be able to come here. I just cannot believe I am this lucky. That is not to say that it is not hard most of the time. A few weeks ago a beautiful little girl named Simelane went into the hospital because her AIDS flared up and she is not expected to live, she is 12. Another little girl entered our program last week, and she is too afraid to let anyone touch her because she has been raped so many times, she is six. Walking along the streets of our town a few weeks ago someone found a dead baby in a bag, probably from a teen mother who didn't want the child, all the mother had to do was leave it on the doorstep 100 m. away at Bulembu Babies to allow it to live, but she didn't. These things are hard things, the things that break our hearts, but they are the reality we are seeking to change through our program.
There is something I do want to emphasize above all though - in spite of all this sadness there is so much brilliant hope. I feel like when people talk about Africa they always talk about the hard things and the sad things and they fail to talk about the beautiful things- because we must remember where there is great darkness there is also great light, and this is the reality that defines my world in Africa above all. I have never found so many moments of unconcerned laughter, unabashed dancing and pure joy, I have never known so much peace or heard God's whisper so clearly, I have never seen such beautiful grace as I see those that have experienced so much pain, I have been on the receiving end of so much generosity and hospitality, I have never seen so much healing, I have never seen such tangible change in people, and I have never known such hope. Africa has become associated with so much fear and darkness and hopelessness but the place I have come to know is one defined by light - it breathes life into those it touches (both those on the receiving end and those on the giving end) and whispers that if we fight for it we can see our hope come to fruition.
One of the things I have become so convicted about since I arrived here is the fact that at home I lived at a distance for so long from those in need.... and the person who ultimate lost out on getting to know Christ better and look into his eyes was me.
Matthew 25:34-40 says "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
… I never had the chance to look into the eyes of Christ or hold his hand before I came here because I lived so distantly from those around me that were hurting. By calling me here God has been shaping my character in new ways because I have been forced to look into the eyes of those who are suffering. To be honest ( I am ashamed to say it), even here I have sometimes just wanted to retreat to my office rather than look those who are suffering in the face- because I am tired, because it takes work, because it is hard, but as I have been forced to look those suffering in the face what I have found is Christ, and the more I have encountered Christ the more I embrace the suffering. Because even though it is uncomfortable and it takes some of my already stretched time I am learning love that costs something and which is the painful is the most beautiful kind of love, as Mother Theresa once said "I found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more LOVE”. God has been so good to me, in that in his grace he would not allow me to miss out on him. It's funny, when I came here I thought it was because I had something to offer, but I have since realized there are a thousand other people who could have done my job here probably a lot better than I could have, but God called me here to work on my heart and my character, and I am so overwhelmed that he loves me that much. God has been really good to me while I’ve been here. I've done and seen things beyond my wildest dreams. I've had my heart broken by this place and I’ve fallen thoroughly in love with this continent. I have experienced the absolute depths of sadness here, but I have also experienced joy that is closer to heaven than any person should ever be blessed enough to experience. Africa is messy but full of joy, which, lets be honest is just like me, so it just kind of works.
Prayer
I'm in an interesting place right now, I am awash in an ocean of change and I don't even know where to put even one foot forward right now... God is in control and that I have peace about (hallelujah). But I could definitely use some prayer. It's June and I still don't know what I will be doing when I get home in three months time. As of right now I am really, really hoping to go to Dalhousie for law in the fall.... I still haven't heard from them though, so I am just waiting, hoping, praying I get in, but I am not sure if it is God's time yet though or if he has something else for me this year. So I am really praying about it, and I am asking you too as well.... I know that if I get in it will be on the grace of God alone!
I could also use some prayer just about the next couple months. I am in a strange place mentally, and I just want to relish the present rather than straining ahead to what is next, I don't want to miss the precious time I have here, or the opportunity to draw closer to God. I could also use some prayer because I am really tired. I have worked very hard Monday to Friday since I got here and on the weekends I have tried to compensate by taking in as much of the surrounding countryside and local experiences as possible. I have had wonderful friends who have been incredibly generous and have allowed me to experience things beyond my means the last few month which has been such a blessing, however I have also been going pretty much non stop the last 7+ months. This compounded by all the cultural changes, being away from home for so long, and being confronted by so many hard things has completely exhausted me. I know that time will go by so quickly though and I really want to just give my all over the last few months. I am also hoping to plan some time if I can get the finances in place for the end of my trip here to just rest before I come home and start up a whole new whirlwind. So I could really use some prayer about these things as well...
Please continue to pray for the orphans of Bulembu; we have quite a few new children here right now who have suffered horrendous traumas that they are now trying to deal with. One little girl in particular (the little girl who at the age of six has been raped repeatedly), is really in a lot of emotional pain, and she really hates God for allowing these things to happen her. Please pray for this little girl and the other new children, that they would experience the depths of the Fathers love for them, and that he would somehow redeem the brokenness in their lives. Please pray that those who are trying to help these children would have wisdom in how to approach these children and how to show them the kind of love that will break their pain.
Please also pray for increased financial support for our orphans. We have taken in a ton of children this year which is wonderful, but unfortunately means our child sponsorship is a bit behind at the moment, and we really need it to pick up in order to continue to provide the kind of care that allows these children to just be children and have a wonderful future.
Final Note
Thanks again so much for taking the time to read my update. It never ceases to amaze me that any of you even read it or that any of you support me in prayer or finances. It is very humbling, especially considering so many of you are doing such amazing things in your day-to-day life to bless others that go totally unrecognized. I pray that in your day-to-day selfless acts that you will be blessed in abundance as God sees and celebrates the love-filled work of your hands. I pray that letter finds you well and that you are blessed and full of joy. Only a few more months, and a few more updates left before I will be home with all of you, and I really cannot wait! Be well dear friends and have a lovely month of June.
With much love and many blessings,
Heather Davies
"How deep the father's love for us. How blessed beyond all measure. That he would send his only son, to die for me a sinne
I cannot believe it's June already, time is positively flying by. The last month has been full of new projects and has been at times a little hectic, but it has also been packed full of blessings.
WORK
At work my role has expanded substantially, I am no longer simply working for the orphan care side of Bulembu, I am also doing work in community enterprise (which is what provides the funding for the orphan care) on top of my old work. This means that I am becoming the Queen of soft skills. Some days I am busy doing admin - creating lists, putting together contracts, contacting donors. Other days I am a book keeper - looking after petty cash and helping sort of some of the finances for orphan care, I am occasionally the communications person - putting together donor reports for children, updating Bulembu's twitter and facebook pages, lately I have been the researcher - helping put together grant proposals for hydroponics, solar power, sports centers, and most recently I have been putting my business hat to help put together new business plans and business revival plans, also doing a bit of HR involved in meetings with the future of the school, and writing up policy manuals. Most days I feel like I haven't a clue what I am doing, however with a can-do attitude and a prayer I approach every day, and somehow everything is getting accomplished and I'm also learning a lot in the process. It is really neat to be involved in so many different projects and to know that in the end they are all related to help give the orphans of Bulembu the best kind of care possible. Thanks so much for your support, there is so much work to be done, and me being able to do this job is only possible through you guys!!!!
Day-to-Day Life
The last month has also been really crazy in terms of how transient it has been. This week I said goodbye to my best friend in Bulembu, and another good friend as they head off in new directions, and over the following month I will say goodbye to many other friends as they leave. I will be the last of the short-term volunteers left in Bulembu which is very strange. I have been so blessed in my time in Bulembu as I have made amazing life long friends. What is strange though is that when I leave Bulembu I can never return to this season as the people I shared it with have gone on as well. Having time alone though is also a blessing as it gives me more time to seek God which is something I really need right now. However, it has also gotten incredibly cold and incredibly dark in Bulembu so it is often hard to find motivation to do anything other than sleep after work!
Reflections
All of this leaving by friend has of course made me think about what my time here a lot as I too will be getting ready to come home in August (I can't believe how quickly it is flying by!). I have thought a lot about the changes I see in my life, and about the person I am becoming, and the things that have happened over the last 7+ months. It has made me think a lot about why I am here and what Bulembu is doing...and the more think about it the more I am convinced that I wish all of you could be here to see the work happening in Bulembu as there is no way for me to possibly convey how beautiful the ministry is through emails alone. It is a practical ministry but it radiates with the love of Christ. I am so honored and blessed to be here, and I truly wish there was some way to show you how incredible it is. I love it here, and there are days even after all this time when I wake up full of overwhelming joy because I truly cannot believe I have been so blessed as to be able to come here. I just cannot believe I am this lucky. That is not to say that it is not hard most of the time. A few weeks ago a beautiful little girl named Simelane went into the hospital because her AIDS flared up and she is not expected to live, she is 12. Another little girl entered our program last week, and she is too afraid to let anyone touch her because she has been raped so many times, she is six. Walking along the streets of our town a few weeks ago someone found a dead baby in a bag, probably from a teen mother who didn't want the child, all the mother had to do was leave it on the doorstep 100 m. away at Bulembu Babies to allow it to live, but she didn't. These things are hard things, the things that break our hearts, but they are the reality we are seeking to change through our program.
There is something I do want to emphasize above all though - in spite of all this sadness there is so much brilliant hope. I feel like when people talk about Africa they always talk about the hard things and the sad things and they fail to talk about the beautiful things- because we must remember where there is great darkness there is also great light, and this is the reality that defines my world in Africa above all. I have never found so many moments of unconcerned laughter, unabashed dancing and pure joy, I have never known so much peace or heard God's whisper so clearly, I have never seen such beautiful grace as I see those that have experienced so much pain, I have been on the receiving end of so much generosity and hospitality, I have never seen so much healing, I have never seen such tangible change in people, and I have never known such hope. Africa has become associated with so much fear and darkness and hopelessness but the place I have come to know is one defined by light - it breathes life into those it touches (both those on the receiving end and those on the giving end) and whispers that if we fight for it we can see our hope come to fruition.
One of the things I have become so convicted about since I arrived here is the fact that at home I lived at a distance for so long from those in need.... and the person who ultimate lost out on getting to know Christ better and look into his eyes was me.
Matthew 25:34-40 says "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
… I never had the chance to look into the eyes of Christ or hold his hand before I came here because I lived so distantly from those around me that were hurting. By calling me here God has been shaping my character in new ways because I have been forced to look into the eyes of those who are suffering. To be honest ( I am ashamed to say it), even here I have sometimes just wanted to retreat to my office rather than look those who are suffering in the face- because I am tired, because it takes work, because it is hard, but as I have been forced to look those suffering in the face what I have found is Christ, and the more I have encountered Christ the more I embrace the suffering. Because even though it is uncomfortable and it takes some of my already stretched time I am learning love that costs something and which is the painful is the most beautiful kind of love, as Mother Theresa once said "I found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more LOVE”. God has been so good to me, in that in his grace he would not allow me to miss out on him. It's funny, when I came here I thought it was because I had something to offer, but I have since realized there are a thousand other people who could have done my job here probably a lot better than I could have, but God called me here to work on my heart and my character, and I am so overwhelmed that he loves me that much. God has been really good to me while I’ve been here. I've done and seen things beyond my wildest dreams. I've had my heart broken by this place and I’ve fallen thoroughly in love with this continent. I have experienced the absolute depths of sadness here, but I have also experienced joy that is closer to heaven than any person should ever be blessed enough to experience. Africa is messy but full of joy, which, lets be honest is just like me, so it just kind of works.
Prayer
I'm in an interesting place right now, I am awash in an ocean of change and I don't even know where to put even one foot forward right now... God is in control and that I have peace about (hallelujah). But I could definitely use some prayer. It's June and I still don't know what I will be doing when I get home in three months time. As of right now I am really, really hoping to go to Dalhousie for law in the fall.... I still haven't heard from them though, so I am just waiting, hoping, praying I get in, but I am not sure if it is God's time yet though or if he has something else for me this year. So I am really praying about it, and I am asking you too as well.... I know that if I get in it will be on the grace of God alone!
I could also use some prayer just about the next couple months. I am in a strange place mentally, and I just want to relish the present rather than straining ahead to what is next, I don't want to miss the precious time I have here, or the opportunity to draw closer to God. I could also use some prayer because I am really tired. I have worked very hard Monday to Friday since I got here and on the weekends I have tried to compensate by taking in as much of the surrounding countryside and local experiences as possible. I have had wonderful friends who have been incredibly generous and have allowed me to experience things beyond my means the last few month which has been such a blessing, however I have also been going pretty much non stop the last 7+ months. This compounded by all the cultural changes, being away from home for so long, and being confronted by so many hard things has completely exhausted me. I know that time will go by so quickly though and I really want to just give my all over the last few months. I am also hoping to plan some time if I can get the finances in place for the end of my trip here to just rest before I come home and start up a whole new whirlwind. So I could really use some prayer about these things as well...
Please continue to pray for the orphans of Bulembu; we have quite a few new children here right now who have suffered horrendous traumas that they are now trying to deal with. One little girl in particular (the little girl who at the age of six has been raped repeatedly), is really in a lot of emotional pain, and she really hates God for allowing these things to happen her. Please pray for this little girl and the other new children, that they would experience the depths of the Fathers love for them, and that he would somehow redeem the brokenness in their lives. Please pray that those who are trying to help these children would have wisdom in how to approach these children and how to show them the kind of love that will break their pain.
Please also pray for increased financial support for our orphans. We have taken in a ton of children this year which is wonderful, but unfortunately means our child sponsorship is a bit behind at the moment, and we really need it to pick up in order to continue to provide the kind of care that allows these children to just be children and have a wonderful future.
Final Note
Thanks again so much for taking the time to read my update. It never ceases to amaze me that any of you even read it or that any of you support me in prayer or finances. It is very humbling, especially considering so many of you are doing such amazing things in your day-to-day life to bless others that go totally unrecognized. I pray that in your day-to-day selfless acts that you will be blessed in abundance as God sees and celebrates the love-filled work of your hands. I pray that letter finds you well and that you are blessed and full of joy. Only a few more months, and a few more updates left before I will be home with all of you, and I really cannot wait! Be well dear friends and have a lovely month of June.
With much love and many blessings,
Heather Davies
"How deep the father's love for us. How blessed beyond all measure. That he would send his only son, to die for me a sinne
bulembu update #6
GREETINGS!
Dear Friends and family,
Happy late Easter! I hope it was a time for of profound rest and restoration for each and every one of you.
The last month has been a bit hectic to say the least, but Easter was a wonderful and healing time for God to just speak into my life and restore all the broken places in my heart. It was nice to have a chance to just sit before my king and lay everything bare and be filled up with love again.
It has been awhile since the last time I have written and I have a lot to say. I therefore decided to break this email up with subheadings so that you could read bits and pieces of it and so that if you decided to read all of it that you wouldn't feel the need to do it all in one sitting.
Thanks so much!
PERSONAL UPDATE
In my last email I mentioned things were a bit difficult right now at home, and I cannot begin to thank you all enough for your prayer and support during that time. This last month I have really struggled with a lot of grief at the death of my friend, worrying about my mom's health, and most particularly the loss of my grandfather... My uncle also had a heart attack last week and wasn't expected to live, but through a miracle it appears he will pull through (Praise the Lord)... but it has been a very very difficult time to be away from my family, knowing that I couldn’t be with them in their pain really was hard on my heart. When I came here I knew that leaving my family and home was part of the sacrifice required to follow God's call and I really felt the weight of that sacrifice this month. But I also know God said count the cost to follow me, and he is blessing me as I follow him. I have really seen how God looks after the ones we love when we cannot be there to do it for ourselves (and he does such a better job!), and I trust him to continue to lift my family and most particularly my Grandmother out of the miry place. Please continue to pray for them though, as there are some tough decisions ahead for my parents, and they are still really hurting in the midst of all this.
Personally, I wasn't very mentally present this month as my mind was literally thousands of miles away. Finally I decided to take a couple days off work to just pray and sleep and I was really blessed when some friends from South Africa took me to Mozambique for a couple days. Just being near the ocean with good friends poured a lot of peace back into my soul. I was very blessed to be able to go and just rest even if it was just for a couple days.
SPIRITUAL UPDATE
I have been learning a lot about trusting God and relying on him for all my needs in this season and giving up everything in order to follow him, to have no ties - especially not to material things, as although I don’t think there is anything wrong with material things I think I have ties to some of them which God is asking me to remove. I am learning the value of "Lord give us THIS DAY our daily bread", I am learning that since we don't even know we have a tomorrow to share what we have today no matter how scary it seems if God asks. It's been a huge lesson since I tend to like financial security and I like to know where my next meal is coming from or my next rent check but I trust God and there is a comfort knowing my next meal relies on him totally, as I have no doubt he will meet and exceed all my needs. Your incredible support has allowed me to bless a lot of people who couldn't afford their next meal, or who couldn’t afford schoolbooks, or who couldn’t afford to support themselves in the crucial voluntary roles they had come to do in Swaziland and so although I cannot even begin to express how incredibly grateful I am for supporting me, you have no idea how much gratitude is directed at you from all of these other people that you have blessed in such beautiful ways. I have learned a lot this last month about the difference between desires and needs.... for instance I would like a laptop battery since its a pain in the butt that every time my computer unplugs it shuts off and I have to plug it in and re-boot it... this life I am striving for is uncomfortable and inconvenient, nevertheless, if I have to have a little inconvenience and a little discomfort so that someone can eat that’s a sacrifice I have learned that is well worth making. So thank you so much for the support you have given me, I will continue to use anything I receive beyond meeting my needs to bless those in the community who have so much less than I have.
Bulembu Update
So many new and exciting things are happening in Bulembu at the moment. Since Jan 1/10 we have opened seven new homes for the orphan, with 3+ houses scheduled to be opened in May. We have also taken over an organization in Bulembu focused on looking after babies (Abandoned Babies for Christ), and thus have had an influx of over 50 new kids at once, on top of the children we are getting every week from social welfare. It is a wonderful time for Bulembu. However to say it's been busy would be an understatement. We are often working to all hours trying to finish the things that need to be done. I have been mainly focused on putting together child profiles for future donors and inputting children's information into our system so that we can keep track of all of them and their information.
As I go through the children's history I am once again struck by what an incredible impact Bulembu is having. Often as I read the profiles it takes ALL of my self-restraint to not start weeping in the office, more than half the stories I have read so far begin with the statement, we first discovered this child after his or her mother tried to kill them, or was planning to kill them. It is truly horrific what these children have been through, and what children all over Swaziland call their everyday reality. I know this is something I have written about many times before, but I cannot emphasize how shocking the places these children come from. A five year old should never have to be "street smart" and know how to survive on his or her own at such a young age because they have been abandoned. A twelve year old should never have to bear her first child after being raped repeatedly by an Uncle. An eight-year-old girl or boy should never have to sell their innocence in order to provide for their next meal... and yet they do every single day. It kills me, because I want to rescue all of them. I desperately long for Bulembu's growth so that more and more children can be picked up out of these horrible places and brought to a place of safety and love where they can just be children. But it is really exciting to see what is happening right now. I feel so blessed to be part of the growth happening in Bulembu!
Reflections
"I have come to realize more and more that the greatest disease and the greatest suffering is to be unwanted, unloved, uncared for, to be shunned by everybody to be to be just nobody to no one."
Below is both my thoughts and several excerpts from in a book called Invisible Children, Rescue the perishing by a beautiful friend Jason (and Cara!) Mitchell, who I work alongside with everyday here in Bulembu, and I will continue to quote much of this book throughout this email as I have been struggling for the last month trying to find the words to write an update that would begin to convey all that has been happening in my heart, my words have seemed so inadequate. When I read the opening of this book though I thought "Yes! This says it exactly" there are no words I know that are more true to describe what I feel about what is happening here, and if you get the chance I strongly encourage you to read this book (http://africarevolutionstore.bigcartel.com/product/invisible-children-book-by-jason-mitchell)....
"This morning brings another day of trial and survival for the children living on the streets of southern Africa. Waking once again to the harsh reality of loneliness, hunger and desperation already has most of them feeling exhausted. The dawn has brought only for them the warmth of the sunshine as the cold night has stolen their restful sleep. But the cold is not the only thing that keeps them awake. Their bones ache from lying on their beds of cardboard on top of the cold, hard concrete sidewalk, and they are plagued with worry for the safety themselves and of their smaller friends and relatives that huddle close to them. One cannot help but think they are too young to feel so old and broken down.
So often when they find it hard to sleep, when they find themselves alone, with only their thoughts, they remember a day when someone cared for them, a time when the nights were not nearly so cold and the days not nearly so lonely.
Each of these children carries a story, a terrible story, each of which will undoubtedly break your heart into pieces.
When I meet these orphans on the streets of Africa I know my life has changed forever. Everything that used to seem important to me before, now so often just strikes me as silly. Why have I spent so much of my life pursuing my own self-interests? Why have I spent so much time trying to accumulate more and more stuff? Why do I require so much while these children have absolutely nothing? How could I have missed seeing all the need in the world?"
How can one begin to describe what it feels like to have ones heart repeatedly broken by the things one sees here in Southern African, how can one begin to describe each of the moments I have cried in bed asking God what is happening in this beautiful continent, how can I explain how tempting it can be to give into despair when you are faced with the same tragic pictures every day...
...And yet in Lamentations 2:11 God says:
I have cried until the tears no
longer come;
my heart is broken.
My spirit is poured out in agony
as I see the desperate plight of my
my people.
Little children and tiny babies
are fainting and dying in the streets.
.... and I know that God too sees his people and his heart is breaking for them, with a more profound grief than I could ever even contemplate because it is his children who are dying...
I also know that when I weep a righteous anger burns in me, and a desperate hope emerges in my heart that something can change, and because I know that the grieving in my heart aligns with the grieving in God's heart, I also know that the righteous anger he has and the desperate hope to do something to make things different for these children is even stronger. I know that God already has victory on this earth and that he is already working to redeem these broken countries and their broken children.
... When we ask God for something I know that we are to pray in joyful expectancy, because just as lamentations shows, God has already seen the plight of his children and he is working to redeem all this brokenness that we have built by bringing his kingdom to this broken world....
I know something can change because I am seeing it change in front of my eyes every single day. I see how this organization helps change things, I see how God uses people to touch the destitute and change them, I see how a group of university students in south Africa give up so many comforts to live in solidarity with the poor, I see how people like Jason and Cara write books and reach their hands out to spread their passion for changing Africa, I see how the girl I sit with in my office every day has sacrificed the comforts of home, money and family to come volunteer in a country across the world, I see that things are changing here in this continent because beautiful people such as YOU who aren't confronted with harsh poverty every day still acknowledge its existence and fight it by supporting me, and people like me, and my organization, and organizations like mine, and you offer up prayers for hope....
I am even seeing myself change as God reveals to me the brokenness of his children, and stirs a passion in me and pulls me past all my selfish desires and into the hearts of others.... and I am filled with a passionate hope.
Something that has really challenged me over the last month is in Luke 12:49 when Jesus said, "I have come to set the world on fire, and I wish that it were already burning!"... I was forced to ask myself if I was setting the world on fire, and if not, why not? I was forced to look at myself and ask AM I dramatically transforming the world's cultures through the message of Christ's love (to live in solidarity with orphans and widows), or am I here working in Africa to make myself feel better when I go to sleep at night. Why is it that I can say that I desperately want something to change for the poor I meet and then can spend money on things I don’t need but I have learned to take for granted.
This last month I have realized that I want to be dramatically different then the person I am and just give to god whatever he wants whenever he wants... all of you have so generously provided for me, and yet what do I have if I cannot share it with the broken around me... if there is one thing I have learned from Africa is the value of today as I do not even know that I will have a tomorrow, I believe that there is a time for storing, but right now God is teaching me the value of "give me this day my daily bread", and I have realized that as I try to hold onto things and money that they will just slip through my fingers, and I have been blessed not to just selfishly enjoy but rather so that I can bless others who are in so much obvious need (a lesson I have learned from all of your generosity) so I am giving all I have to the point of extreme discomfort to chase God. So that I can move with him towards stopping all of the brokenness I have seen in the hearts of the children in Southern Africa. Because I can’t just cry out for him to do more, I have to do more and I believe I can help stop what is happening across the globe. I believe things can be different. But in order for things to be different we have to be different. So I want to be different then what I have been. Mother Theresa said "“I found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more LOVE”, now I am not going to kid myself and pretend even for a second I know what it is like to give as much as she did, but God has been given me a glimpse of what this looks like, to love until hurts, which in turn produces more love instead of pain, and I think I want more of it, because I have a suspicion that this is the kind of different that changes the world. This is the kind of different that causes one to act when one is filled with righteous anger at having seen the atrocities and injustices that have been done to these beautiful children. This is how I pray that I can learn to love and out of that love - live.
Prayer
- I would love to ask you to all pray with me about where God is leading me after Bulembu, I think I feel him drawing me to law school but I really want to be sure
- Please pray for the children of Swaziland and South Africa
- Please pray for the situation in South Africa
- Please pray for Bulembu that we would continue to grow as an organization.
- Please pray for my family and particularly my grandmother at home, for a deep rest and a new season of restoration for them
Last but not least: THANK YOU for all you do for me, for the other volunteers, for the children. I am so blessed to have your prayers, thoughts, and support....
Much love,
Heather Davies
Dear Friends and family,
Happy late Easter! I hope it was a time for of profound rest and restoration for each and every one of you.
The last month has been a bit hectic to say the least, but Easter was a wonderful and healing time for God to just speak into my life and restore all the broken places in my heart. It was nice to have a chance to just sit before my king and lay everything bare and be filled up with love again.
It has been awhile since the last time I have written and I have a lot to say. I therefore decided to break this email up with subheadings so that you could read bits and pieces of it and so that if you decided to read all of it that you wouldn't feel the need to do it all in one sitting.
Thanks so much!
PERSONAL UPDATE
In my last email I mentioned things were a bit difficult right now at home, and I cannot begin to thank you all enough for your prayer and support during that time. This last month I have really struggled with a lot of grief at the death of my friend, worrying about my mom's health, and most particularly the loss of my grandfather... My uncle also had a heart attack last week and wasn't expected to live, but through a miracle it appears he will pull through (Praise the Lord)... but it has been a very very difficult time to be away from my family, knowing that I couldn’t be with them in their pain really was hard on my heart. When I came here I knew that leaving my family and home was part of the sacrifice required to follow God's call and I really felt the weight of that sacrifice this month. But I also know God said count the cost to follow me, and he is blessing me as I follow him. I have really seen how God looks after the ones we love when we cannot be there to do it for ourselves (and he does such a better job!), and I trust him to continue to lift my family and most particularly my Grandmother out of the miry place. Please continue to pray for them though, as there are some tough decisions ahead for my parents, and they are still really hurting in the midst of all this.
Personally, I wasn't very mentally present this month as my mind was literally thousands of miles away. Finally I decided to take a couple days off work to just pray and sleep and I was really blessed when some friends from South Africa took me to Mozambique for a couple days. Just being near the ocean with good friends poured a lot of peace back into my soul. I was very blessed to be able to go and just rest even if it was just for a couple days.
SPIRITUAL UPDATE
I have been learning a lot about trusting God and relying on him for all my needs in this season and giving up everything in order to follow him, to have no ties - especially not to material things, as although I don’t think there is anything wrong with material things I think I have ties to some of them which God is asking me to remove. I am learning the value of "Lord give us THIS DAY our daily bread", I am learning that since we don't even know we have a tomorrow to share what we have today no matter how scary it seems if God asks. It's been a huge lesson since I tend to like financial security and I like to know where my next meal is coming from or my next rent check but I trust God and there is a comfort knowing my next meal relies on him totally, as I have no doubt he will meet and exceed all my needs. Your incredible support has allowed me to bless a lot of people who couldn't afford their next meal, or who couldn’t afford schoolbooks, or who couldn’t afford to support themselves in the crucial voluntary roles they had come to do in Swaziland and so although I cannot even begin to express how incredibly grateful I am for supporting me, you have no idea how much gratitude is directed at you from all of these other people that you have blessed in such beautiful ways. I have learned a lot this last month about the difference between desires and needs.... for instance I would like a laptop battery since its a pain in the butt that every time my computer unplugs it shuts off and I have to plug it in and re-boot it... this life I am striving for is uncomfortable and inconvenient, nevertheless, if I have to have a little inconvenience and a little discomfort so that someone can eat that’s a sacrifice I have learned that is well worth making. So thank you so much for the support you have given me, I will continue to use anything I receive beyond meeting my needs to bless those in the community who have so much less than I have.
Bulembu Update
So many new and exciting things are happening in Bulembu at the moment. Since Jan 1/10 we have opened seven new homes for the orphan, with 3+ houses scheduled to be opened in May. We have also taken over an organization in Bulembu focused on looking after babies (Abandoned Babies for Christ), and thus have had an influx of over 50 new kids at once, on top of the children we are getting every week from social welfare. It is a wonderful time for Bulembu. However to say it's been busy would be an understatement. We are often working to all hours trying to finish the things that need to be done. I have been mainly focused on putting together child profiles for future donors and inputting children's information into our system so that we can keep track of all of them and their information.
As I go through the children's history I am once again struck by what an incredible impact Bulembu is having. Often as I read the profiles it takes ALL of my self-restraint to not start weeping in the office, more than half the stories I have read so far begin with the statement, we first discovered this child after his or her mother tried to kill them, or was planning to kill them. It is truly horrific what these children have been through, and what children all over Swaziland call their everyday reality. I know this is something I have written about many times before, but I cannot emphasize how shocking the places these children come from. A five year old should never have to be "street smart" and know how to survive on his or her own at such a young age because they have been abandoned. A twelve year old should never have to bear her first child after being raped repeatedly by an Uncle. An eight-year-old girl or boy should never have to sell their innocence in order to provide for their next meal... and yet they do every single day. It kills me, because I want to rescue all of them. I desperately long for Bulembu's growth so that more and more children can be picked up out of these horrible places and brought to a place of safety and love where they can just be children. But it is really exciting to see what is happening right now. I feel so blessed to be part of the growth happening in Bulembu!
Reflections
"I have come to realize more and more that the greatest disease and the greatest suffering is to be unwanted, unloved, uncared for, to be shunned by everybody to be to be just nobody to no one."
Below is both my thoughts and several excerpts from in a book called Invisible Children, Rescue the perishing by a beautiful friend Jason (and Cara!) Mitchell, who I work alongside with everyday here in Bulembu, and I will continue to quote much of this book throughout this email as I have been struggling for the last month trying to find the words to write an update that would begin to convey all that has been happening in my heart, my words have seemed so inadequate. When I read the opening of this book though I thought "Yes! This says it exactly" there are no words I know that are more true to describe what I feel about what is happening here, and if you get the chance I strongly encourage you to read this book (http://africarevolutionstore.bigcartel.com/product/invisible-children-book-by-jason-mitchell)....
"This morning brings another day of trial and survival for the children living on the streets of southern Africa. Waking once again to the harsh reality of loneliness, hunger and desperation already has most of them feeling exhausted. The dawn has brought only for them the warmth of the sunshine as the cold night has stolen their restful sleep. But the cold is not the only thing that keeps them awake. Their bones ache from lying on their beds of cardboard on top of the cold, hard concrete sidewalk, and they are plagued with worry for the safety themselves and of their smaller friends and relatives that huddle close to them. One cannot help but think they are too young to feel so old and broken down.
So often when they find it hard to sleep, when they find themselves alone, with only their thoughts, they remember a day when someone cared for them, a time when the nights were not nearly so cold and the days not nearly so lonely.
Each of these children carries a story, a terrible story, each of which will undoubtedly break your heart into pieces.
When I meet these orphans on the streets of Africa I know my life has changed forever. Everything that used to seem important to me before, now so often just strikes me as silly. Why have I spent so much of my life pursuing my own self-interests? Why have I spent so much time trying to accumulate more and more stuff? Why do I require so much while these children have absolutely nothing? How could I have missed seeing all the need in the world?"
How can one begin to describe what it feels like to have ones heart repeatedly broken by the things one sees here in Southern African, how can one begin to describe each of the moments I have cried in bed asking God what is happening in this beautiful continent, how can I explain how tempting it can be to give into despair when you are faced with the same tragic pictures every day...
...And yet in Lamentations 2:11 God says:
I have cried until the tears no
longer come;
my heart is broken.
My spirit is poured out in agony
as I see the desperate plight of my
my people.
Little children and tiny babies
are fainting and dying in the streets.
.... and I know that God too sees his people and his heart is breaking for them, with a more profound grief than I could ever even contemplate because it is his children who are dying...
I also know that when I weep a righteous anger burns in me, and a desperate hope emerges in my heart that something can change, and because I know that the grieving in my heart aligns with the grieving in God's heart, I also know that the righteous anger he has and the desperate hope to do something to make things different for these children is even stronger. I know that God already has victory on this earth and that he is already working to redeem these broken countries and their broken children.
... When we ask God for something I know that we are to pray in joyful expectancy, because just as lamentations shows, God has already seen the plight of his children and he is working to redeem all this brokenness that we have built by bringing his kingdom to this broken world....
I know something can change because I am seeing it change in front of my eyes every single day. I see how this organization helps change things, I see how God uses people to touch the destitute and change them, I see how a group of university students in south Africa give up so many comforts to live in solidarity with the poor, I see how people like Jason and Cara write books and reach their hands out to spread their passion for changing Africa, I see how the girl I sit with in my office every day has sacrificed the comforts of home, money and family to come volunteer in a country across the world, I see that things are changing here in this continent because beautiful people such as YOU who aren't confronted with harsh poverty every day still acknowledge its existence and fight it by supporting me, and people like me, and my organization, and organizations like mine, and you offer up prayers for hope....
I am even seeing myself change as God reveals to me the brokenness of his children, and stirs a passion in me and pulls me past all my selfish desires and into the hearts of others.... and I am filled with a passionate hope.
Something that has really challenged me over the last month is in Luke 12:49 when Jesus said, "I have come to set the world on fire, and I wish that it were already burning!"... I was forced to ask myself if I was setting the world on fire, and if not, why not? I was forced to look at myself and ask AM I dramatically transforming the world's cultures through the message of Christ's love (to live in solidarity with orphans and widows), or am I here working in Africa to make myself feel better when I go to sleep at night. Why is it that I can say that I desperately want something to change for the poor I meet and then can spend money on things I don’t need but I have learned to take for granted.
This last month I have realized that I want to be dramatically different then the person I am and just give to god whatever he wants whenever he wants... all of you have so generously provided for me, and yet what do I have if I cannot share it with the broken around me... if there is one thing I have learned from Africa is the value of today as I do not even know that I will have a tomorrow, I believe that there is a time for storing, but right now God is teaching me the value of "give me this day my daily bread", and I have realized that as I try to hold onto things and money that they will just slip through my fingers, and I have been blessed not to just selfishly enjoy but rather so that I can bless others who are in so much obvious need (a lesson I have learned from all of your generosity) so I am giving all I have to the point of extreme discomfort to chase God. So that I can move with him towards stopping all of the brokenness I have seen in the hearts of the children in Southern Africa. Because I can’t just cry out for him to do more, I have to do more and I believe I can help stop what is happening across the globe. I believe things can be different. But in order for things to be different we have to be different. So I want to be different then what I have been. Mother Theresa said "“I found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more LOVE”, now I am not going to kid myself and pretend even for a second I know what it is like to give as much as she did, but God has been given me a glimpse of what this looks like, to love until hurts, which in turn produces more love instead of pain, and I think I want more of it, because I have a suspicion that this is the kind of different that changes the world. This is the kind of different that causes one to act when one is filled with righteous anger at having seen the atrocities and injustices that have been done to these beautiful children. This is how I pray that I can learn to love and out of that love - live.
Prayer
- I would love to ask you to all pray with me about where God is leading me after Bulembu, I think I feel him drawing me to law school but I really want to be sure
- Please pray for the children of Swaziland and South Africa
- Please pray for the situation in South Africa
- Please pray for Bulembu that we would continue to grow as an organization.
- Please pray for my family and particularly my grandmother at home, for a deep rest and a new season of restoration for them
Last but not least: THANK YOU for all you do for me, for the other volunteers, for the children. I am so blessed to have your prayers, thoughts, and support....
Much love,
Heather Davies
Bulembu update #5
Dear Friends,
I realize i wrote an email to you all a week ago, but once again my heart is so full that I feel the need to just pour out a little of what I am feeling, I also wanted to ask you all of you to take a little time out of your day this week to get on your knees and beg God to have mercy on this beautiful but destitute country called Swaziland.
Last nite we had bible study and we went around the room asking for prayer requests. One after one we all spilled our daily struggles. However, when we got to the last person she asked that we all pray for Swaziland... the moment she said that it was like this floodgate opened for all of us, it was like the elephant in the room that all of us had been holding our breath about and none of us even dared to say out loud because the moment you step outside the borders of Bulembu, and even within Bulembu you realize that the situation here is beyond hopeless, you realize that you are literally watching the death of country and there is this heaviness and feeling of helplessness and despair that I cannot even express. Yet being a follower of Jesus means that we have the audacity to hope even in the face of the most desperate situations.
It is such an emotional thing because this place is so incredibly broken.... the cycles that lead to the continued downward spiral of this country continue onwards, and this evil disease continues to spread... and nothing changes.
... I’ve only been here four months but I am tired, and Niel who runs the clinic and who has only been here for a month is tired - because his daily reports consist of 5 more positive today, 3 more positive today, 7 more positive today.... etc. etc. (out of the 20 odd patients he sees every day, most of which are already positive), and Jeanne who runs the creativity centre is tired because every time she hires and trains new ladies they get sick and die off, and the people who do the HIV prevention training program here in Bulembu are tired of hearing that the people they spent so much time training, are consistently infected the week after the program ends, and Lorraine who is our social worker, is tired of collecting sad children whose parents are sick or dying, and 200 of our orphans are tired of this disease because it made their parents sick and it stole them away, and almost half of those children are sad because they are already HIV positive from no decision they were even given the chance to make, and their life is being stolen away as the seconds pass, before they even had a chance to live... and on and on it goes, and everyone is tired... and I am angry because I love these beautiful people and I love this beautiful land and I don't know how to watch them die, which is exactly what is happening... Because nothing is changing, and Bulembu can do all it wants to create a place for a hope and a future for children of Swaziland, but if they are all infected then there is no one to offer a future to... and something has got to change before there is nothing left to change. This is not drama, this is reality, this is fact... by 2050 Swaziland will, at the present rate, be extinct, and I promise you it is happening before my eyes.
... and so I am asking you whether you pray regularly or not, and whether you are totally convinced God exists or not, to put aside your deep theological questions for a moment and just for once get down on your knees and beg God for mercy for this desperate land... because this is the only hope it has left...
...Because this could be a beautiful land, a land bursting with joy and peace and hope and health and a future....
... and as I was praying this morning, I read this piece of scripture this morning and thought it was the best piece of scripture I had read about our hope for Bulembu...
“ You will go out with joy and be led forth with peace; the mountains and the hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees will clap their hands. Instead of thorn bush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briars the myrtle will grow.”
... because as a Christian this is what I have the audacity to hope for.
...so I pray that somehow my anguished cry would reach you and touch your heart and that you would pause in your day- to - day life and say a prayer for Bulembu.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. i hope you are all doing well and are all blessed, and that as you wrestle with the struggles in your day-to-day life that you may find peace and joy.
With much love, and hope,
Heather Davies
I realize i wrote an email to you all a week ago, but once again my heart is so full that I feel the need to just pour out a little of what I am feeling, I also wanted to ask you all of you to take a little time out of your day this week to get on your knees and beg God to have mercy on this beautiful but destitute country called Swaziland.
Last nite we had bible study and we went around the room asking for prayer requests. One after one we all spilled our daily struggles. However, when we got to the last person she asked that we all pray for Swaziland... the moment she said that it was like this floodgate opened for all of us, it was like the elephant in the room that all of us had been holding our breath about and none of us even dared to say out loud because the moment you step outside the borders of Bulembu, and even within Bulembu you realize that the situation here is beyond hopeless, you realize that you are literally watching the death of country and there is this heaviness and feeling of helplessness and despair that I cannot even express. Yet being a follower of Jesus means that we have the audacity to hope even in the face of the most desperate situations.
It is such an emotional thing because this place is so incredibly broken.... the cycles that lead to the continued downward spiral of this country continue onwards, and this evil disease continues to spread... and nothing changes.
... I’ve only been here four months but I am tired, and Niel who runs the clinic and who has only been here for a month is tired - because his daily reports consist of 5 more positive today, 3 more positive today, 7 more positive today.... etc. etc. (out of the 20 odd patients he sees every day, most of which are already positive), and Jeanne who runs the creativity centre is tired because every time she hires and trains new ladies they get sick and die off, and the people who do the HIV prevention training program here in Bulembu are tired of hearing that the people they spent so much time training, are consistently infected the week after the program ends, and Lorraine who is our social worker, is tired of collecting sad children whose parents are sick or dying, and 200 of our orphans are tired of this disease because it made their parents sick and it stole them away, and almost half of those children are sad because they are already HIV positive from no decision they were even given the chance to make, and their life is being stolen away as the seconds pass, before they even had a chance to live... and on and on it goes, and everyone is tired... and I am angry because I love these beautiful people and I love this beautiful land and I don't know how to watch them die, which is exactly what is happening... Because nothing is changing, and Bulembu can do all it wants to create a place for a hope and a future for children of Swaziland, but if they are all infected then there is no one to offer a future to... and something has got to change before there is nothing left to change. This is not drama, this is reality, this is fact... by 2050 Swaziland will, at the present rate, be extinct, and I promise you it is happening before my eyes.
... and so I am asking you whether you pray regularly or not, and whether you are totally convinced God exists or not, to put aside your deep theological questions for a moment and just for once get down on your knees and beg God for mercy for this desperate land... because this is the only hope it has left...
...Because this could be a beautiful land, a land bursting with joy and peace and hope and health and a future....
... and as I was praying this morning, I read this piece of scripture this morning and thought it was the best piece of scripture I had read about our hope for Bulembu...
“ You will go out with joy and be led forth with peace; the mountains and the hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees will clap their hands. Instead of thorn bush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briars the myrtle will grow.”
... because as a Christian this is what I have the audacity to hope for.
...so I pray that somehow my anguished cry would reach you and touch your heart and that you would pause in your day- to - day life and say a prayer for Bulembu.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. i hope you are all doing well and are all blessed, and that as you wrestle with the struggles in your day-to-day life that you may find peace and joy.
With much love, and hope,
Heather Davies
swazi update #4
Dearest Friends and Family,
It's been awhile since I last wrote, but I have been incredibly busy with work the last few weeks and have been put in two 14-hour days so far this week alone. Today it looks like I may be only working ten hours and I am so excited just to have a moment to breath!
In this letter I thought I would try something new. So far in my letters I have mainly focused on writing about all the wonderful adventures I am having here, and I have tried to convey the joy I am experiencing in my everyday life (I still absolutely love it here! ~). However, I don't want the point of why I am here to somehow get lost in those messages. I am here to serve in this beautiful ministry, and so I thought I would share the things I have been seeing in my daily life which show me why this work is so incredibly important. My worldview is being shaken on a daily basis and I thought that as these are the things on my heart I would share them, so that you also might have a better understanding of why Bulembu exists and why the work here is so crucial to this next generation of Swazi's. I want you to understand the things that are shaking my worldview, and the things I am seeing everyday so that you can understand that in spite of the joy I am experiencing here, that my heart is also bleeding, so that you can understand how your support is helping.
Now many of you know from my previous letters that Swaziland has the highest rate of HIV/AIDS in the world, and alongside that it has the highest rate of orphans and vulnerable children of any country in the world. While we may think we understand that in theory, I think I personally failed to understand what that meant outside of a first world context, and why this makes Bulembu's work so important.
I want to walk you through what I have come to understand this to mean:
Swaziland has one of the highest rates of incest and rape in the world, most rapes remain unrecorded particularly when they are incestuous as the sense of shame for a woman in Swaziland is very high. In a place where more then half of the children are orphans or have parents who abandon them or cannot look after them, this leaves the children vulnerable to sexual abuse and rape, and sadly this is exactly what happens to most of these children. The vast majority of young women have a child before they are 16 years old as a result of rape. This week Jacaranda, one of the smaller sister programs in Bulembu, got a new young girl who is 12 years old. She had been raped three times in the last month alone and is extremely traumatized. Unfortunately because we only have one social worker that works for Bulembu and we have so many children like this, it will probably be quite awhile before her issues will be addressed in any meaningful way. Although we are doing all we can (our caregivers have received some training about how to deal with childhood trauma cases) and we are looking for a child psychologist and a social worker to come join our team it is extremely painful to watch this little girl go through so much trauma. Bulembu is the first safe place she has ever experienced in her life and it will probably take her quite some time before she understands what this means.
You are probably asking why social welfare Swaziland doesn't provide some kind of counseling service after they have placed a child in our care, or doesn't do more to protect the children of Swaziland. While the social welfare of Swaziland knows this is happening they can only afford to employ between 20-40 social workers in total, and they only have one vehicle between all of them. This means each social worker in Swaziland would approximately have over 4000 cases to investigate and follow up on, and no means of getting from child to child. Before a child can be removed from a dangerous situation the child's history and home life must be thoroughly investigated (yes even in Swaziland!) over a number of months, but as the welfare workers do not even have the ability presently to get to the location where the child is to investigate, the chances of a child actually being removed from the situation are very slim. If a social worker does actually manage to get to the location where a child is and discovers that it is in fact unfit, there is no safe place for them to move the children to while they are finding a more permanent place for them. So even if a social worker is aware that a child is in an extremely unfit home where they are experiencing severe abuse they cannot do anything about it until they can find a permanent place for the child, but there are so many orphans and vulnerable children in Swaziland that most orphan homes are full.
There are so many orphans and vulnerable children in Swaziland at the moment that the majority of homes for orphans are overflowing, neighbors and kin are loaded with children that are not even theirs. There are so many children without parents that social welfare Swaziland considers child headed households to be a reasonable option as a place to place orphans or vulnerable children. Bulembu is
important because it is one of the few orphan care programs in Swaziland that is still accepting children with open arms, and providing for more then their minimum needs. We are also one of the very few that provides for the needs of the children in a holistic way and strives to give them a beautiful future.
My worldview was shaken when today a lady walked into the office with her son, and she asked us to take him. She was HIV positive and she did not think she would live much longer. She had no place to go as her family had thrown her out of her homestead, the child had no father, and the woman was unemployed. She had borrowed all the money she could in the world to take the bus 2 hours to Bulembu because she heard it was the best child care program in Bulembu. Unfortunately we cannot just take the child as social welfare must first investigate (it would be illegal for us to just take him), so we bought the woman food and gave her money to send her back on the bus, we also arranged social welfare to meet with her. However, the deep tragedy is that because it will likely take child welfare so long to investigate the case, it is likely that the mother may give up and kill her own child before an intervention takes place. This is something that happens a lot here in Swaziland, which once again is why programs like ours are so important.
I cannot emphasize enough why what we are doing here is so important. We drive social workers from social welfare Swaziland workers to investigate their worst cases, because we want to provide a safe home for children. We take these children and we give them a home that is safe and where all their needs will be met in abundance. We provide them with counseling and a safe place to talk about the things that have happened to them, and we help them to move forward and show them they can have a future free from the pain they have experienced. We run a clinic where we provide for all their children's medical needs 24 hours a day (I know this for a fact because my best friend here is the town doctor/medic and he never sleeps as he is always looking after children and villagers!). We feed the children healthy nutritious meals, and for most of the children this is the first time they have received three meals a day in their lives. We clothe them and give them shoes for the first time, we had a boy who came a couple months ago who had never even seen underwear in his life before coming here, and he was 13 years old! We run a school for them, in order to provide them with first class education so that they can go to receive further education after graduation. We run after school programs and have sports teams and clubs for them, so that they have a chance to
play and learn teamwork, and just be children for the first time in their lives. We run a church and church programs, so that they can see that it is not us that is providing for them but it is God in his goodness who looks after them. We teach them about the importance of being healthy in soul, mind, and body. We run industries in the community so that when they grow up they will have a place to work, and a future to look forward to. Bulembu is so important because without a place like it for orphans and vulnerable children to go, the children will continue to be abused, will continue to be raped, will continue to contract HIV, and will continue to die or be killed by their parents without anyone ever having noticed... and that is not being dramatic, it is simply a fact. But because of Bulembu 200+ kids have been rescued from that, and thousands upon thousands more will have the chance to escape that life and be given a chance to dream about a future for the first time in their lives.
My job is such a small part of what we do here and yet without this job and others like it we wouldn't be able to do what we do for the children of Bulembu. At the end of this week I will have worked over 60 hours, but I am so happy to do it because when I walk out the door of the office at the end of the evening and pass children who are laughing and playing and just being kids I know it's worth it. I do what I do for love of them. However, I would not be able to do what I do without you; without your prayers and support. I just want to say thank you so much for being part of what is happening in Bulembu. I am the lucky one because at the end of the day I get to see the looks on the children's faces, but you are just as responsible as I am for the change that is happening here....
Anyways those are my thoughts for the day, I hope they expressed the gratitude I am feeling for your support, and at the same time helped you see the reality of what is happening here in Swaziland.
I have also been having many other wonderful experiences in Swaziland, everything from hiking the mountains to learning the Swazi traditional dance. I am actually even attending the Marula festival tomorrow to represent Bulembu and dance for the King (hopefully he does not decide to make me his 15th wife), and I am incredibly excited! I am more in love with the Swazi culture, and southern Africa then ever before. I truly think I might never come home!
On a brief more personal level a lot has happened over the last month at home - a friend passed away due to cancer, my grandfather went into the hospital and is not expected to come out, my mom discovered she had skin cancer, and another best friend thinks her cancer may be back... so it's been a bit rocky, and my family and friend could definitely use some prayer. In particular I deeply ask you to pray for my grandparents as they go through this difficult time. I wish I could be with them so much. However, I have never for a second wanted to be anywhere other than where I am right now. I know that God is looking after my family as I do what I can to look after the Bulembu family! But please, if you think of us please keep my family in your prayer.
Other than that I hope this letter finds you incredibly well! I am praying for special blessings for all of you and I really hope that you all are having fun in the Olympic season (I wish I was there!)
I am sending you all tons of love!
Blessings,
Heather
ps Happy Valentines day! I send my love!
Heather Davies
It's been awhile since I last wrote, but I have been incredibly busy with work the last few weeks and have been put in two 14-hour days so far this week alone. Today it looks like I may be only working ten hours and I am so excited just to have a moment to breath!
In this letter I thought I would try something new. So far in my letters I have mainly focused on writing about all the wonderful adventures I am having here, and I have tried to convey the joy I am experiencing in my everyday life (I still absolutely love it here! ~). However, I don't want the point of why I am here to somehow get lost in those messages. I am here to serve in this beautiful ministry, and so I thought I would share the things I have been seeing in my daily life which show me why this work is so incredibly important. My worldview is being shaken on a daily basis and I thought that as these are the things on my heart I would share them, so that you also might have a better understanding of why Bulembu exists and why the work here is so crucial to this next generation of Swazi's. I want you to understand the things that are shaking my worldview, and the things I am seeing everyday so that you can understand that in spite of the joy I am experiencing here, that my heart is also bleeding, so that you can understand how your support is helping.
Now many of you know from my previous letters that Swaziland has the highest rate of HIV/AIDS in the world, and alongside that it has the highest rate of orphans and vulnerable children of any country in the world. While we may think we understand that in theory, I think I personally failed to understand what that meant outside of a first world context, and why this makes Bulembu's work so important.
I want to walk you through what I have come to understand this to mean:
Swaziland has one of the highest rates of incest and rape in the world, most rapes remain unrecorded particularly when they are incestuous as the sense of shame for a woman in Swaziland is very high. In a place where more then half of the children are orphans or have parents who abandon them or cannot look after them, this leaves the children vulnerable to sexual abuse and rape, and sadly this is exactly what happens to most of these children. The vast majority of young women have a child before they are 16 years old as a result of rape. This week Jacaranda, one of the smaller sister programs in Bulembu, got a new young girl who is 12 years old. She had been raped three times in the last month alone and is extremely traumatized. Unfortunately because we only have one social worker that works for Bulembu and we have so many children like this, it will probably be quite awhile before her issues will be addressed in any meaningful way. Although we are doing all we can (our caregivers have received some training about how to deal with childhood trauma cases) and we are looking for a child psychologist and a social worker to come join our team it is extremely painful to watch this little girl go through so much trauma. Bulembu is the first safe place she has ever experienced in her life and it will probably take her quite some time before she understands what this means.
You are probably asking why social welfare Swaziland doesn't provide some kind of counseling service after they have placed a child in our care, or doesn't do more to protect the children of Swaziland. While the social welfare of Swaziland knows this is happening they can only afford to employ between 20-40 social workers in total, and they only have one vehicle between all of them. This means each social worker in Swaziland would approximately have over 4000 cases to investigate and follow up on, and no means of getting from child to child. Before a child can be removed from a dangerous situation the child's history and home life must be thoroughly investigated (yes even in Swaziland!) over a number of months, but as the welfare workers do not even have the ability presently to get to the location where the child is to investigate, the chances of a child actually being removed from the situation are very slim. If a social worker does actually manage to get to the location where a child is and discovers that it is in fact unfit, there is no safe place for them to move the children to while they are finding a more permanent place for them. So even if a social worker is aware that a child is in an extremely unfit home where they are experiencing severe abuse they cannot do anything about it until they can find a permanent place for the child, but there are so many orphans and vulnerable children in Swaziland that most orphan homes are full.
There are so many orphans and vulnerable children in Swaziland at the moment that the majority of homes for orphans are overflowing, neighbors and kin are loaded with children that are not even theirs. There are so many children without parents that social welfare Swaziland considers child headed households to be a reasonable option as a place to place orphans or vulnerable children. Bulembu is
important because it is one of the few orphan care programs in Swaziland that is still accepting children with open arms, and providing for more then their minimum needs. We are also one of the very few that provides for the needs of the children in a holistic way and strives to give them a beautiful future.
My worldview was shaken when today a lady walked into the office with her son, and she asked us to take him. She was HIV positive and she did not think she would live much longer. She had no place to go as her family had thrown her out of her homestead, the child had no father, and the woman was unemployed. She had borrowed all the money she could in the world to take the bus 2 hours to Bulembu because she heard it was the best child care program in Bulembu. Unfortunately we cannot just take the child as social welfare must first investigate (it would be illegal for us to just take him), so we bought the woman food and gave her money to send her back on the bus, we also arranged social welfare to meet with her. However, the deep tragedy is that because it will likely take child welfare so long to investigate the case, it is likely that the mother may give up and kill her own child before an intervention takes place. This is something that happens a lot here in Swaziland, which once again is why programs like ours are so important.
I cannot emphasize enough why what we are doing here is so important. We drive social workers from social welfare Swaziland workers to investigate their worst cases, because we want to provide a safe home for children. We take these children and we give them a home that is safe and where all their needs will be met in abundance. We provide them with counseling and a safe place to talk about the things that have happened to them, and we help them to move forward and show them they can have a future free from the pain they have experienced. We run a clinic where we provide for all their children's medical needs 24 hours a day (I know this for a fact because my best friend here is the town doctor/medic and he never sleeps as he is always looking after children and villagers!). We feed the children healthy nutritious meals, and for most of the children this is the first time they have received three meals a day in their lives. We clothe them and give them shoes for the first time, we had a boy who came a couple months ago who had never even seen underwear in his life before coming here, and he was 13 years old! We run a school for them, in order to provide them with first class education so that they can go to receive further education after graduation. We run after school programs and have sports teams and clubs for them, so that they have a chance to
play and learn teamwork, and just be children for the first time in their lives. We run a church and church programs, so that they can see that it is not us that is providing for them but it is God in his goodness who looks after them. We teach them about the importance of being healthy in soul, mind, and body. We run industries in the community so that when they grow up they will have a place to work, and a future to look forward to. Bulembu is so important because without a place like it for orphans and vulnerable children to go, the children will continue to be abused, will continue to be raped, will continue to contract HIV, and will continue to die or be killed by their parents without anyone ever having noticed... and that is not being dramatic, it is simply a fact. But because of Bulembu 200+ kids have been rescued from that, and thousands upon thousands more will have the chance to escape that life and be given a chance to dream about a future for the first time in their lives.
My job is such a small part of what we do here and yet without this job and others like it we wouldn't be able to do what we do for the children of Bulembu. At the end of this week I will have worked over 60 hours, but I am so happy to do it because when I walk out the door of the office at the end of the evening and pass children who are laughing and playing and just being kids I know it's worth it. I do what I do for love of them. However, I would not be able to do what I do without you; without your prayers and support. I just want to say thank you so much for being part of what is happening in Bulembu. I am the lucky one because at the end of the day I get to see the looks on the children's faces, but you are just as responsible as I am for the change that is happening here....
Anyways those are my thoughts for the day, I hope they expressed the gratitude I am feeling for your support, and at the same time helped you see the reality of what is happening here in Swaziland.
I have also been having many other wonderful experiences in Swaziland, everything from hiking the mountains to learning the Swazi traditional dance. I am actually even attending the Marula festival tomorrow to represent Bulembu and dance for the King (hopefully he does not decide to make me his 15th wife), and I am incredibly excited! I am more in love with the Swazi culture, and southern Africa then ever before. I truly think I might never come home!
On a brief more personal level a lot has happened over the last month at home - a friend passed away due to cancer, my grandfather went into the hospital and is not expected to come out, my mom discovered she had skin cancer, and another best friend thinks her cancer may be back... so it's been a bit rocky, and my family and friend could definitely use some prayer. In particular I deeply ask you to pray for my grandparents as they go through this difficult time. I wish I could be with them so much. However, I have never for a second wanted to be anywhere other than where I am right now. I know that God is looking after my family as I do what I can to look after the Bulembu family! But please, if you think of us please keep my family in your prayer.
Other than that I hope this letter finds you incredibly well! I am praying for special blessings for all of you and I really hope that you all are having fun in the Olympic season (I wish I was there!)
I am sending you all tons of love!
Blessings,
Heather
ps Happy Valentines day! I send my love!
Heather Davies
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